Fri Apr 5 18:52:21 2002

Trilogy One
Book One
Subsection One
Book One
Page One
Word One

“A Long-Expected, but Really Long-Delayed, and Probably-Going-To-Suck-Anyways Party”

Fobocop Q Baggins was a Hobbot, and lived in a hole, and all that.

Not that it wasn’t a particularly nice hole. In fact it was an opulent, spacious, well-decorated, swinging little bachelor hole, with the round door and the gold doorknob exactly in the middle (despite the fact that this made the door frustratingly difficult to open—it was one of those “elegant” design features, like the little “shelf” in Quicktime 4)

Fobocop was a very cute little Hobbot and he looked very sexy standing around in his bare feet smoking an enormous pipe full of very dubious tobacco.

“How,” he wondered to himself, “can all of us Hobbots live in such luxury, when none of us actually produces anything?  How does Hobboton function?  Are we an entirely service-based economy, forsaking primary and secondary industries in favor of tertiary businesses, such as tourism?  In which case, how come we never see anyone in Hobboton other than Hobbots?”

Just then there was a knock at the door.
“Why, that was not much of a 1000th post,” Fobocop said, “but I suppose we must start somewhere.”

TO BE CONTINUED LATER TODAY

Fri Apr 5 19:04:39 2002

Fri Apr 5 20:30:44 2002

Fri Apr 5 21:30:36 2002

That was teh funny Mag.

:biggrin:

ph34r teh SMAM!

Fri Apr 5 22:29:17 2002

Sat Apr 6 05:41:55 2002

Sat Apr 6 08:09:34 2002

Sat Apr 6 20:40:40 2002

"Gandork!" Fobocop cried.  "What are you doing here?"

Gandork snorted, as if even thinking about such a question was beneath him.  "Aside from mastering .NET and smacking around newbies on Internet forums merely to entertain the likes of you, I've been spending just a teensy tiny bit of time on a more pressing problem."

"And what's that?" Fobocop asked.

"Oh, nothing really, just the imminent enslavement and destruction of the entire world as we know it," said Gandork, casually blowing a smoke ring in the shape of Mel C.

"Really?"  Fobocop squeaked?

"Yes, and it's a long, and very boring story, so it's vitally important that you and anyone who just happens to be sneaking around outside the window hears it in its entirety.  Here it is:

"You know that ring that your uncle Duffbo Baggins brought back from his adventures many years ago?   Well, it turns out the ring actually had a Transmeta CPU embedded inside it, and it has the power to emulate virtually any computer in the world with lightning-fast speeds, and has an additional feature of enabling any really evil person who wears it to take over the world."

"Gosh," said Fobocop, visibly shaken.  "I guess we should destroy it, then!"

"Oh, sure, like I hadn't thought of that," Gandork said sarcastically.  "It can't be destroyed except in this one mountain, you see, because of some unspecified reason."

"Well, why don't we just throw it in the ocean, then?  Nobody would find it then!"

"Yes, but it's entirely possible that the Evil Overlord(tm) may decide to drain the entire ocean and search the entire ocean floor and find it, even if it takes him several million years or so.  It's just too risky-- we can't afford even the tiniest, teensiest, minutest, nanometer-sized chance that the Enemy might capture the One Ring(tm)."

"Okay," Fobocop said slowly, "so what's your plan then?"

"Simple!" Gandork said proudly.  "You are going to take the ring, and along with your little friends AllYorSamRBelong2Us, Imitation Merry, and Harpippin, you are going to walk very slowly towards the enemy."

"Oh," said Fobocop, crestfallen, "that's a great plan."

"Isn't it, though?  Now, good luck and have fun!  I'm going to leave now and not help you at all.  Maybe I'll catch up with you later?  That is if you don't die a horrible death and the world doesn't become a smoking ruin.  Toodle-pip!"

He walked out, leaving Fobocop's mouth hanging open.

Sat Apr 6 21:57:57 2002

Sat Apr 6 22:50:52 2002

this is certainly the most interesting story dialogue since the "King of the Maclots" thingy of yore.

Sat Apr 6 23:07:55 2002

:manygrin:

(Edited by Harbinger at 6:08 pm on April 6, 2002)

Sun Apr 7 01:29:06 2002

Sun Apr 7 03:59:19 2002

Sun Apr 7 09:47:29 2002

/me applauds!

Sun Apr 7 14:53:53 2002

Sun Apr 7 17:45:06 2002

Mon Apr 8 03:33:34 2002

...He walked out, leaving Fobocop's mouth hanging open...

Then to the left outside his window Fobocop heard a rustling of leaves mixed with what sounded like a tune of "underneath your clothes". Then suddenly AllYourSamRBelong2Us with autumn leaves caught in between his scruffy long hair whilst chewing on some tabacco popped his head up from the bush and peered through the window. This shocked Fobocop as he was himself about to stick his head out the window and take a look see at what was making the noise. With his hand over his heart and the sound of the blood beating hard through his shaking body Fobocop cried out, "Dear lord!, you scared the poop out of me AllYourSamAreBlong2Us. Oh and thats a bloody long name"

"Sorry there Master Baggins," replied a rather ambivalent AYSAB2U, "but I'm not really sure I like the idea of walking towards doom just to save the world at the risk of my life yet I don't think I can let you go alone if you get my meaning."

"Well I'm not sure if I whole heartedly want to follow Gandork's plan although he is a wizard and is old and would probably get very mad at me and cast some horrid spell on me and a whole lot of ands that would end up making this a run on sentence," Fobocop thought out loud while helping AYSAB2U climb through the window.

"I think we need to sing a song that reads more like a poem then appears to be even possible to be sung to a tune. What do you think eh Master Baggins?"

Fobocop smiled even though in his head the darkness of the unknown world he had never travelled filled his head and made him uneasy, "why I believe we should sing a song my wise old friend. We need a hearty song to be the light unto the oncoming shadows that is our fate."

"Good good good," said a now rather giddy headed AYSAB2U who was clapping his hand while bouncing up and down.

"What the hell was in that tabacco!?" wondered Fobocop as he watched AYSAB2U now bounce around the room.

(Edited by OscarWilde at 11:44 am on April 8, 2002)

Tue Apr 9 04:58:36 2002

The crickets were making that rather annoying scratching noise and a beatle had crawled up Imitation Merry's pants and had begun to crawl in the crevice of his ass when the icky feeling of having a bug crawl up your ass suddenly awoke him from the spell.
"Damn!" scowled Imitation Merry as he jumped up and down while slapping his ass hoping to get the bug out.
Harpippen who awoke earlier and was sitting silently beside Imitation Merry started to roll on the ground and laugh out loud especially since it wasn't just happenstance that a bug was crawling up IM's ass if you get my meaning?
Well if you don't I spell it out for you: It was Harpippen that was getting bored waiting for sleeping beauty to wake up. He had tried to shake him and rather violently too which caused a bruise on Imitation Merry's head (which IM doesn't know about it just yet and when he does will probably never know how he got the bruise) but with no luck. Anyway, long story short, Harpippen saw a little beatle scaling the tree beside him and the rest as they say, was history.

After composing them selves both hobbits decided to head quickly towards Fobocop's house in hopes to find out what was so urgent and important that required Gandork to come so late at night and even putting the two hobbits to sleep.

Upon arrival at Fobocop's the door steps...

Tue Apr 9 08:44:14 2002

Tue Apr 9 15:12:02 2002

Wed Apr 10 04:33:09 2002

:)

Wed Apr 10 17:19:04 2002

The Hobbots stopped on Fobocop's doorstep.  AllYorSamRBelong2Us trembled, whispering: "Didn't Gandork tell us we should leave the Shure immediately?"

"Oh yes, oh yes, leave the Shure, sure, we should," babbled Imitation Merry.

"Because of the Impending Doom and Evil Black Riders of Certain Death, right?" asked Harpippin.

"Something like that," said Fobocop cryptically, as he opened the door and walked outside.  "Let's go."

The happy Hobbots trudged through the English^H^H^H^H^H^H^HMiddle Earth countryside for hours and hours and hours and hours, stopping to examine every tree, every bush, and every little blade of grass and making sure each one was given at least a full paragraph of description.

At one point, they got bored, and Imitation Merry suggested they should spontaneously break into song.

"Great idea!" agreed the Hobbots, excepf for Fobocop, who was still being needlessly detached and unemotional.

Oh, lay, lo lee lie la,
Oh Sampson and Deliah,
We bounce and sing and happy,
Because we are so fappy!

We sing to fill the pages,
We're wiser than the sages!
Our songs are long and boring,
Our readers are all snoring!

Suddenly a strange little man in bright blue overalls and silly bright yellow boots came bouncing into view.  He started to sing in a very annoying voice.

Oh, I'm Tom Bombabastic,
I'm really quite Fantastic,
I have powers legendary,
My wife's a hottie fairy!

I control the Forest Mighty,
Nobody can defy me!
I have unlimited powers,
I command all the flowers!

Just to prove his point, the little bearded man waved his arms and lifted up the very ground itself, creating a tidal wave of earth that destroyed a menacing Evil Creeping Tree of Death(tm).

"Wow, you're amazing, Tom!" Fobocop gushed.  "You have complete control over the Earth itself!  Will you help us in our quest against the Ultimate Evil?"

"Nah," said Tom, "I'm pissing off, and you'll never see or hear from me again, so don't even ask."

He bounced off and vanished behind a hill, and never even made it into the movie.

Wed Apr 10 21:24:16 2002

Sat Apr 13 03:54:41 2002

I don't feel like writing any more right now, but it's gotta stay on the front page.. ;)

Sat Apr 13 05:21:42 2002

Imitation Merry

I think I should probably laugh about this, but it's been 10+ years since I read the LOTR books, so I don't quite remember why.

:sagrin:

(Edited by Imitation Gruel at 10:22 pm on April 12, 2002)

Sat Apr 20 23:10:51 2002

Sun May 12 02:35:36 2002

sheesh!

:cheesy:

Wed Jun 12 03:48:33 2002

Wed Jun 12 05:29:59 2002

Now please. :D

Wed Jun 12 10:44:15 2002

Wed Jun 12 17:18:20 2002