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Thread #: 1719

New movie review....

Madan

Fri Apr 26 12:31:24 2002

1. Zoolander:  2/5 *s

The hook:  Ben Stiller, of Mary and Mystery Men fame attempts to direct and star in his own comedy feature about outrageous parodies of the Male Model Industry in a romp that mirrors "Austin Powers meets Naked Gun".

The hit:  Ben Stiller is a great actor.  His track record for physical and facial comedy is good.  The story is wickedly acidic against male models and the villain: Mugato is wildly entertaining.  The penis/massage scene is comedy gold.

Teh lose: Do you know how some trailers and commercials play the best parts leaving you feeling like you saw the movie?  Well, this is that situation.  Except for the scene listed above and the gas fight at the gas station, the rest of the movie is one long SNL skit with little humor and even less entertainment.  
Stiller parodies the male model effectively but everyone else's level of exagerration isn't equal to his and the movie comes off as a parody of ONE person, rather than the entire industry, during some situations.

The word:  Good for video if you're *desperate* for a laugh and have seen everything else. Otherwise, don't go near this stinker.


2. Someone like you:  3/5 *s

The hook:  Hottie Ashley Judd and popular hunk-guy Hugh Jackman star in a romantic comedy about a young, single woman that tries to understand love and men, after being dumped by Greg Kinnear.  Witty and cute, the movie seems to offer what most young ladies want out of a film.

The hit:  Ashley Judd does an amazing job coming across as a despairingly *cute*(lovable to an almost ungodly degree) narrator to a simple but relatively lovey dovey story of the sickeningly sweet variety.  Jackman is charming.  The movie is feel good and has some funny moments.

Teh lose:  The story is pathetically predictable.  You know what is going to happen.  How it will happen.  When it will happen. And the story, despite moving in one direction throughout the entire plot, decides to move in another within the last minutes of the film. And yet, despite this surprise twist in plot philosophy, the story becomes even *more* predictable(how is that possible???!?).  Judd's cranium is vaccuous and the stereotyping in the movie is painfully overdone.  Moreso, the idea that the "good guy" is the average noncommittal individual and that the "scamp or rogue" is truly the type of man worth investing is just one of the asinine misconceptions that keep leading to issues, in rl, that allow women to sympathize with broken heartedness of the kind within this movie! In short, the movie is as implausible as it is stupid in its total premise.

The word:  Nice to watch on video if you have a craving to see Judd(or Jackman) "shake it".  Not worth it on the big screen unless your significant other drags you along.


3. Thirteen Ghosts:  3.5/5 *s

The hook:  Another remake of the classic Haunting premise, 13 Ghosts places the inheritants of a "deceased" uncle in a house of his design.  Terror ensues when the house turns out to be haunted by malevolent and brutally violent entities and the family(along with allies) must chart a way out of the house, which functions as a "puzzle", altering its shape recurringly.

The hit:  The movie is scary. This remake, unlike the others, is far less traditional and far more violent, gory and brutal.  As a result, the movie can be sickeningly graphic and shocking.  Scenes of bisected human beings, as well as headless torsos are just some of the fare you'll find in this flick.  Moreso, the movie home is unique in that it's composed of runed glass and that the entire structure is transparent and, yet, opaque, at the same time.  The result is a puzzle/quest type film that has the family navigating alien corridors to escape a gruesome fate.  The set designers really did a smashing job.  The specters in the movie are also unique, each grisly and unreal, complete with a background story.  The Angry Princess, Torn Prince, Pilgrims, First Born Son, Stern Mother/Son, The Jackal, The Hammer, The Bound Woman, The Withering Lover, The Torso and the Juggernaut.  Each with a different look(all makeup and prosthetics...no CGI) and different abilities.  Matthew Lillard does a great job with his lines.  Oh, and then there's that Shannon Elizabeth woman who is, uh, one of the most beautiful things in the universe. Just watching her smile in the movie hurts because she's so amazing.

Teh lose:  The story's plot isn't very deep.  The other houses in the other remakes are far more ornate, larger and more traditionally spectacular.  You can't help feeling that the entire film was made in two corridors.  Moreso, the viewer is left yearning for more traditional fare.  The movie is terribly hackneyed in the end and the viewer can guess successfully who lives and who dies before the movie progresses more than 30 min.  The main villain isn't terribly threatening.

The word:  Worth watching on a big screen.  Worth renting.  Watchable more than once.  Scary and fun.  Especially the revenants.  A good, brainless, scary flick with an amazingly glorious protagonist(Shannon).

m.

Imitation Gruel

Fri Apr 26 12:39:08 2002

Ben Stiller is very funny. However, my favorite role of his was very unfunny, because it was not meant to be a funny movie. Far from it.

Permanent Midnight.

Harbinger

Fri Apr 26 15:30:00 2002

I'll give Zoolander a 3/5.  My wife and I laughed at several parts in the film, which is more than I can say about most of the stuff we've seen in recent years.
Jeremy Reimer

Fri Apr 26 17:57:55 2002

I saw the Scorpion King on Friday.

Very silly and derivative movie, but the Rock is an incredibly charismatic screen presence, and Kelly Hu is FUCKING HOT!!! Oh my god, you should see the latest Maxim-- she did a full layout--- she is so hot that even my wife (who is also very hot, don't get me wrong) could not help but be blown away by her hottiness.  She said things like 'boy, if I was a guy, I'd buy posters of her and plaster them up on my room' and some such.

Between the two of them they make the movie totally worth seeing.  Everyone else is just meh, but who cares!!