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Thread #: 1272

Story Time

Magus

Wed Jan 2 22:52:47 2002

/* Ok, time for a story. Add a line or two, and try not to double post. */

Once there was a man....

Robocop Q Einstein

Wed Jan 2 23:15:47 2002

... who lived with his mother...
Imitation Gruel

Wed Jan 2 23:15:54 2002

who discovered one day he had the ability to fly. So he flew...
AllYorBaseRBelong2Us

Wed Jan 2 23:23:54 2002

...his sopwith camel against the Red Baron naked while stroking his long....

(Edited by AllYorBaseRBelong2Us at 5:26 pm on Jan. 2, 2002)

Magus

Wed Jan 2 23:51:18 2002

joystick. He soared through the clouds, when suddenly...
OscarWilde

Thu Jan 3 01:45:47 2002

... The Blue Baron appeared to his left and the Indigo Baron appeared to his right which made him wonder if Steve Jobs had anything to do with the Barons...

(Edited by OscarWilde at 8:46 am on Jan. 3, 2002)

Magus

Thu Jan 3 15:40:44 2002

So, to escape, he parachuted to the ground below, and found himself in the land of...
Imitation Gruel

Thu Jan 3 15:44:32 2002

[url=http://www.appleinsider.com]Apple Insider[/url] on January 6, 2002; and they DID ask him if he had any juicy secrets; and they DID ask him if he was willing to break his NDA's; but he said he didn't work for Apple; and they DID cast him out like the fucking scumsucking leech he was...
Magus

Thu Jan 3 16:05:28 2002

so he wandered off to the city....
OscarWilde

Thu Jan 3 16:10:02 2002

where it seemed strangely silent and the lack of people on the streets did little to calm his nerves...
HitScan

Thu Jan 3 16:13:46 2002

When suddenly the silence was broken by screams of "Godzira! AAAAAAHHHH" and he then began to run away at a medium pace...

[size=1]Had to put a little Adam Sandler reference in there. Not one of his better songs, but funny nonetheless.[/size]

Riso

Thu Jan 3 16:22:46 2002

..screaming and crying like a little faggot..
OscarWilde

Thu Jan 3 16:25:31 2002

when it occured to him that he was Riso and Riso is not a crying little faggot so instead Riso now slowed down and then huddled behind a dumpster whilst praying that the piss in his pants would dry of soon...
Riso

Thu Jan 3 16:35:04 2002

..but then he woke up and thought "Wow, what a crackinduced nightmare".
Magus

Thu Jan 3 17:11:43 2002

So, to relieve frustration from the nightmare, he calmly buckled on his sword and headed out....
Riso

Thu Jan 3 17:17:35 2002

..to chop off the thread creator's head
AllYorBaseRBelong2Us

Thu Jan 3 19:18:39 2002

...but instead went to the town on his noble stead to partake of the pleasures of the wenches of a particular tavern which he adored.  He found these wenches particularily alluring as they had very large....
Magus

Thu Jan 3 19:20:57 2002

boobs. While he was guzzling down ale, with a wench on his lap, the door burst open....
Riso

Thu Jan 3 19:46:44 2002

..revealing a very horny PetwarB looking for a victim to sodomize...
Magus

Thu Jan 3 22:36:02 2002

but fortunately for the guys in the room, Gail Porter was there, so they were safe. Deciding he was tired of drinking, Riso...
Riso

Thu Jan 3 23:06:26 2002

stood up, walked out of the bar,grabbed the next pretty 15 year old girl, ran with the screaming little fuck to a quiet place where he..
OscarWilde

Fri Jan 4 00:13:19 2002

told her a weeping story of...
Magus

Fri Jan 4 15:23:09 2002

his crack habit, and the dreams they caused. She stared at him and then, in a flash of light, she...
Riso

Fri Jan 4 16:06:18 2002

..undressed and started to have wild and forbidden sex with the poor Riso who's out of crack again.
Magus

Fri Jan 4 17:35:35 2002

Fortunately for Riso, OW happened by and offered him some crack, and asked him...
Riso

Fri Jan 4 17:42:37 2002

..to join in, and Riso, beeing on crack agreed with the warning "Put your dick the wrong way and I use my sword to chop it off"..
OscarWilde

Fri Jan 4 20:28:17 2002

OW being high on crack misunderstands and takes his sword out and chops riso's head off and the naked girl in shock runs off...
AllYorBaseRBelong2Us

Fri Jan 4 20:41:08 2002

...and then she jumps on top of AYB the Rough and Ready and enjoys the time of her life and forgets about the horrific scene where Riso met his end at the point of the Sword of the Poopy One.  And OW gets some women to, as does IG and all knights of OSY.  Just then the evil, dastardly.....
Magus

Fri Jan 4 20:54:34 2002

APK appears. Since OW is still high, he screams like a little girl, and hides behind IG, who...

(Edited by Magus at 5:13 pm on Jan. 4, 2002)

DuffMan

Fri Jan 4 22:30:33 2002

Takes a moment to ponder how fucked up this particular situation has become. The he whips out his...
Magus

Fri Jan 4 23:19:09 2002

big ten inch...

record of a band that plays the blues, and proceeds to...

Imitation Gruel

Sat Jan 5 00:01:12 2002

APK appears. Since OW is still high, he screams like a little girl, and hides behind IG, who...

...scares APK into wetting his pants with the fire-tipped gladius I recieved for being a Centurion. I then stabbed him through the heart. However...

OscarWilde

Sat Jan 5 01:28:46 2002

...Riso rises from the dead by some weird magic called BS and being rather pissed that OW chopped of his head and now having to live the rest of his life as the headless zombie he...
DuffMan

Sat Jan 5 02:02:00 2002

Gets a job working for apple, where he designs the...
AllYorBaseRBelong2Us

Sat Jan 5 02:37:07 2002

Diesel powered Nun.  He can't figure out which colours would be the most alluring so he hired Hitscan to......
OscarWilde

Sat Jan 5 03:00:39 2002

...run around in bondi colored with ruby polkadots ballerina skirt as a source of inspiration but...
Robocop Q Einstein

Sat Jan 5 05:35:50 2002

instead decided on the color of Nyquil, because after all, two doses in a row couldn't kill a man (right?), at least no more than...
Imitation Gruel

Sat Jan 5 06:23:23 2002

six doses of codeine could kill a 5-ton African male elephant. It would do nothing at all.

When Steve Jobs decides Flower Power is the right color for the diesel-powered nun, he debuts it at MacWorld, where...

AllYorBaseRBelong2Us

Sat Jan 5 07:36:41 2002

He shows that it can run Photoshop faster than a ferarri by virtue of it's snow-white OscarWilde like virginity despite the fact that it has no....
Imitation Gruel

Sat Jan 5 10:18:00 2002

documentation whatsoever on software or hardware profiles of either device, or the test itself. The Apple unit slaughters the "competition" predictably and the Macolytes...
AllYorBaseRBelong2Us

Sat Jan 5 10:31:02 2002

..Happily rejoice and run around the Battlefront like children run around the house with their new christmas toys whereby the Masta' of all that is Sucktacula' pulls up his sleeves, pulls himself up to his keyboard and proceeds to....
Imitation Gruel

Sat Jan 5 11:03:15 2002

slash and burn them and their platform all in a hilarious and thorough fashion, much like his teachers who have done before. It shall be great, on that glorious day when Apple dies forever, as I shall laugh heartily, and...
Riso

Sat Jan 5 15:30:44 2002

..damn Riso for making big $$$ out of designing the dieselpowered nun..
Magus

Mon Jan 7 16:00:26 2002

assuming Jobs pays him for the idea, instead of flat out stealing it. In the meantime, a little Scandinavian fanatic with a penchant for sodomizing penguins notices the success of the diesel-powered nun...
OscarWilde

Tue Jan 8 02:14:38 2002

and rides on the success by introducing the new iLamp to which...
AllYorBaseRBelong2Us

Tue Jan 8 02:23:09 2002

isn't nearly as cool as AYB's diesel powered nun, but 'nun'-the-less it has the capacity to......
Magus

Tue Jan 8 15:18:33 2002

use the time-honored Photoshop test. In the meantime, Hitscan, last seen in a ballerina skirt, begins to....
HitScan

Wed Jan 9 01:56:00 2002

Slip into some damn pants, because those ballarena clothes are too damn drafty. Also, here's hoping no one was looking at his ass, eh?

And in the distance HitScan heard...

Imitation Gruel

Wed Jan 9 01:58:32 2002

the laughter of IG, as he realizes he was vindicated in his belief that all of Apple's hype was complete shit. It was a glorious laugh, very loud and raucous.

But the Macolytes were crying, because...

OscarWilde

Wed Jan 9 02:06:38 2002

they quite enjoyed looking at hitscan's ass in that ballerina skirt, oops did i say that to loud?. So anyways...
AllYorBaseRBelong2Us

Wed Jan 9 04:38:37 2002

..AYB had gotten a friggin headache from reading some of the most inane series posts in in Ars that he's seen in a while.  Therefore he....
Riso

Fri Jan 11 12:11:24 2002

..fell victim of the same terrible disease Riso has been infected with since thursday.
Magus

Fri Jan 11 16:28:09 2002

So the two ailing OSY knights decided their only hope was to....
AllYorBaseRBelong2Us

Fri Jan 11 22:25:47 2002

..Think about stuff.  AYB the Insightfull lent his emmense brain power to pondering how wonderfull it would be to walk on the beach with Katie and coming up with Paul Hill-like witicisms to make her giggle like Oscar Wilde does whenever he hears a dirty joke.  Then he shall put his hand around her as her head lowers and she shows her bedroom eyes and caresses the mighty and firm torso of AYB the studly. She shall embrace AYB the Sensitive Male of the 90's and shall hold him for hours on end while AYB the Aloof forgets his worries.

Riso on the other hand starts thinking about....

Riso

Sat Jan 12 12:47:56 2002

..fucking Katie's brains out and then throwing her away like a used condom..
AllYorBaseRBelong2Us

Sat Jan 12 21:01:07 2002

..Except AYB the Extra-Planar Being of Power stops Riso from defiling the most sacred vessel of lovelyness by casting him into the lowest level of the Nine Hells of Cupertino where he and Steve Jobs ......
Riso

Sat Jan 12 22:05:25 2002

..discuss the next upgrade to the dieselpowered nun: the dieselpowered nun mk2!..
Magus

Mon Jan 14 19:00:32 2002

It is then that the unholy Jobs offers Riso one of the Nine Rings of Men....